


hearts have gone cold

by rsadelle



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Abortion, Break Up, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 13:19:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3135905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rsadelle/pseuds/rsadelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carey is going to the Olympics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hearts have gone cold

**Author's Note:**

> **Content Warning:** Abortion.
> 
> For a request for "anything mpreg,preferably very angsty(like those ___ gets pregnant but thinks they're not in an actual relationship so angst angst angst. ___ can choose to have the baby or get an abortion. any pairing is fine but I would prefer PK/Carey."
> 
> Title from Fitz and The Tantrums' "Fools Gold."

"Oh, fucking yes," P.K. says. "Yeah, Pricey, baby, that's so good."

It was, and they'd hooked up enough times that Carey was used to listening to P.K.'s babbling when they fucked without taking it too seriously.

Carey was a little bigger than P.K., but he didn't feel it like this, with P.K. on him and in him. On his hands and knees because it's easier not to look for things he knows he won't find in P.K.'s face this way.

"Oh, fuck, yeah," P.K. says, and Carey shoves just that much harder back onto his dick.

P.K. always makes Carey come first like this, fucking into him a few more times after, when Carey's sensitive but still able to take it.

Carey sinks down onto the bed when P.K. pulls out of him, and P.K. flops down next to him a minute later.

"Man, that was great."

Carey can hear the smile P.K.'s sure to be wearing even though he has his head turned the other way. He mumbles something of an agreement.

P.K. throws an arm around him and smacks a kiss onto his shoulder. "The price is right, baby. The price is right."

Carey can't help laughing into the hotel pillow.

P.K. tightens the arm around him. "Whole world's going to know that when we bring back gold."

"This is only orientation camp," Carey says. "We haven't even been chosen for the team for sure."

"We will be," P.K. says.

*

"I've been really tired," Carey confesses to Dr. Lacroix during his medical eval on the first day of training camp. "For about the last week. I don't know if I'm coming down with something."

"Any other symptoms?" Dr. Lacroix asks him.

"Not really," Carey says.

Dr. Lacroix checks him out, says he seems fine and tells him to keep them informed if things change, and sends him off to do the rest of his physical testing.

There is another symptom, a new one, but Carey doesn't find out about it until the next day when he puts his pads on and the pressure of them against his chest is almost unbearable. Carey winces, but he's played through worse, and he forgets about it as he focuses on stopping shots and protecting his crease.

*

P.K. shows up at Carey's with food the first night of training camp. They don't do anything too stressful, jerk each other off in bed, and P.K. stays the night, leaving early in the morning to go home and change before going to the rink.

As much as Carey wants to take what he can get from P.K., he doesn't have the energy for anything other than that first night. At least training camp tires everyone out, so P.K. accepts his excuses without much fuss.

"Nah, it's all right," P.K. says with a grin. "I know you need to do your lone wolf thing sometimes."

It's not a lone wolf thing and more a not torturing himself with things he can't have thing, and also a he's so exhausted he can barely move thing, but Carey lets P.K. think what he wants.

*

When they're halfway through the preseason and Carey's still fucking exhausted all the time, he goes to see the doc.

"Still fatigued?" Dr. Lacroix asks him.

"Yeah," Carey says. "More than I usually am even after training camp. My chest is sore, and I keep having to wake up in the middle of the night to piss, which is just making me more tired." There's no reason not to be upfront with the doc about what's going on.

Dr. Lacroix makes notes, and then puts down his pen and looks right at Carey. "Look, Carey, you have the gene. Is there any possibility you could be pregnant?"

Carey starts to say no, but then he thinks about P.K. and Olympic camp and goes cold all over.

"We used a condom," Carey says. His voice sounds very far away. He's never liked what hormonal birth control does to his body. Condoms have always been enough.

"That's good," Dr. Lacroix says, "but condoms are not always one hundred percent effective. Let's do a test, and then we'll know what we're dealing with."

It comes up positive, and Carey has to put his head down and breathe deeply for a long minute.

"We're going to keep you off the ice," Dr. Lacroix says when Carey feels well enough to sit up.

"No," Carey says. "I'm not keeping it."

"It's just a precaution," Dr. Lacroix says. "Until you're sure."

"I'm sure now," Carey grits out. "I'm," he does some quick math, "barely a month along, and I'm not keeping it."

"We'll make an appointment for you," Dr. Lacroix says. "As soon as we can. Until then, you're off the ice."

*

Carey doesn't answer P.K.'s phone calls or texts, but the persistent knocking on his door is harder to ignore.

"What do you want?" He's been off the ice for two days, and his appointment still isn't until tomorrow.

"Just checking on you," P.K. says.

"I'm fine," Carey says. He's not.

"My app says you're out with flu-like symptoms," P.K. says. "But I know you and you're not having flu-like symptoms."

He's not, because he's fucking lucky enough not to be suffering from morning sickness.

Carey folds his arms over his chest. "None of your business, Subby." It kind of is, and Carey would normally answer whatever questions P.K. thought to ask.

P.K. hasn't been smiling, but now even the pleasantly neutral look on his face disappears to be replaced with the beginning of a scowl. "Pricey-"

"Just stop," Carey says. "Just-"

P.K.'s look turns from angry to concerned. "Carey."

It hurts too much to have P.K. caring about him and not having it be the way Carey wants. "This is your fucking fault," he snaps. "You knocked me up, and I don't want it, and they still won't let me back on the ice until it's done."

P.K.'s face goes through a range of expressions too fast for Carey to read them. "You're pregnant?"

"I'm not keeping it," Carey says, in case P.K. missed the important part.

"But you're- It's mine?"

"It's not like I was letting anyone else fuck me," Carey snaps. "I'm not having it, my appointment is tomorrow, and then I'll be back on the ice."

P.K. sits down on Carey's couch, uninvited. "Can we talk about it? I mean, we didn't plan on this, but maybe-"

"No," Carey says. They're not like that. This isn't going to make them into some sort of happy family. And even if it did, "I'm not missing a season. I'm not missing _this_ season."

P.K. isn't happy when he leaves, but he leaves.

*

Carey decidedly does not like the way the pill they give him makes him feel, the extra time he has to be off the ice while his body stops being pregnant, or the way P.K. will barely look at him when it's not about hockey.

*

The change in Carey and P.K.'s usual interaction doesn't go unnoticed.

"You have to be in good with your D," Buds advises.

"I noticed you and P.K. aren't as tight this season," Gio says. "If you ever want to talk."

Danny takes him out to dinner. Prusty takes him out for a beer.

Things with P.K. get a little easier, but they're still not friendly.

Carey misses him desperately.

*

"Subby, switch with George," Prusty says in a hotel lobby. "We've got important business to discuss this evening."

P.K. laughs and switches keys with George. "Is that important facial hair business?"

The switch puts P.K. in the room adjoining Carey's, and he shoots a look at Carey that says he knows it too.

There's no avoiding it, so after Carey gets a little settled in - shoes off, changed out of his suit - he opens the adjoining door on his side.

P.K. looks surprised to see it already open when he opens his door, but as usual, he recovers quickly. "Hey, man."

"Hey," Carey says.

"This is like some junior high level shit," P.K. says.

It startles a chuckle out of Carey. "Yeah, I guess."

Then he just looks at P.K., because he doesn't know what to say. He's not going to apologize, because he's not sorry for any of it.

P.K. sits down in the chair at the table and twists from side to side for a second. "Were you even going to tell me?"

It's not where Carey thought P.K. was going to start. "No."

P.K.'s mouth twists. "I didn't think so." He leans forward, elbows on his knees. "That's the part that really pisses me off."

"Fuck you," Carey snaps. "It's my body. It was my choice."

"Fuck, I know that," P.K. says. "You know I know that."

Carey does; he's heard P.K. talking about personal autonomy enough times to know that.

"Look, I'm not saying that you made the wrong choice or that you shouldn't have done it," P.K. says, "because I get it. You might not have a chance in four years. But we had something good going on. Like, really good, and then you just shut me out of this really big thing that actually kind of involved me."

There's too much in that for Carey to process all at once. "We did?" he asks.

It takes P.K. a second before he replies. "Yeah," he says, sounding sad. "We did. Or I thought we did."

"I thought we were just hooking up," Carey admits. He's sorry about that now, looking at the regret on P.K.'s face.

P.K. pauses. "I'm sorry I let you think that," he says after a moment. "But we were still friends, and that should have been enough for you to trust me." Then he stands up. "I think I'm going to order room service and have an early night. I'll see you at breakfast tomorrow."

"Yeah, sure," Carey says, because he doesn't think there's anything else to say.

The click of P.K.'s door closing sounds very final.

 

*

They don't start hooking up again, and they don't even spend time together alone, but P.K. slowly starts hanging around Carey in groups again, and Carey responds in kind by sitting next to P.K. at team meals and throwing jokes his way.

They get approving looks from most of the team, and even Stephane taps Carey's pads with his stick at the end of a practice and says, "Glad to see you and P.K. looking better."

They aren't going to have all the things Carey wanted them to have, but at least they can be friends.

*

Carey gets the call about Team Canada while he's at the rink. He says all the right things, "Thank you," and "It's an honor," and he means all of it. Out of all the goalies Canada has, they chose him.

P.K. gets a call too.

"Really I wanna tell Pricey that I love him," P.K. tells the 24CH crew later, like the lounge isn't small enough for Carey to hear every word he's saying, "but I don't want everybody to know."

Carey knows P.K. doesn't mean it the way he wants him to, knows they can never go back, but when P.K. comes over to say it to him and kiss his cheek, it feels like forgiveness.


End file.
